PODI Gear Shop
Premium merchandise for people who want everyone to know they make questionable life choices.
Our shirts are 100% cotton (60% of the time). We accept your money, your pride, and nothing else.
PODI Logo T-Shirt
100% cotton t-shirt featuring our iconic logo. The shirt says "PODI" on it so people know you make bad choices before you even open your mouth. Pre-shrunk, except for your dignity. Rinse separately — colors run faster than our courses.
$39.99 $29.99
Available in "Diver Navy" and "Caution Orange" • 🇨🇳 Imported
⚠️ Only 4 left in Medium — Kyle keeps borrowing the stock for "laundry"
"I Survived PODI" T-Shirt
You passed (survived) a PODI course. Now everyone at the dive bar will know. Features a checklist on the back: "The Bends ☐, Panic Attack ☐, Lost Mask ☐, Mask Found (It Was On Your Forehead) ☐, Financial Ruin ☑" Survivors say the shirt is softer than their DCS recovery.
$44.99 $34.99
Includes free rubber bracelet that says "SEND IT" • Fits true to "maybe"
✅ In Stock — We printed 5,000 because nobody learns
"Master Diver (of My Couch)" Hoodie
Thick fleece hoodie for the diver who does most of their diving from the comfort of their living room. Features an embroidered couch with tiny dive fins on the front pocket. The couch has a built-in cupholder embroidery detail. "It's where I do my best diving" — verified purchaser.
$69.99 $54.99
Hood strings not tested for tensile strength • May pill (like your dive career)
✅ In Stock — 847 units warming shelves nationwide
PODI Signature Speedo
For the advanced diver who wants everyone to know they're advanced. These European-cut briefs feature the PODI logo front and center. "Confidence, not competence" stitched on the waistband. Warning: may cause involuntary gagging in non-divers. Kyle wore these once. We do not discuss it.
$49.99 $39.99
90% polyester, 10% courage • Hand wash, hang dry, never explain
⚠️ Low Stock — Kyle keeps "testing" the inventory
PODI Bumper Sticker (3-Pack)
Slap these on your car, your cooler, your dive boat (if it still floats). Each pack contains three stickers: "I'd Rather Be Diving (with PODI)", "My Other BCD is a Pool Noodle", and "Honk If You've Never Been Bent". Also available in "fridge magnet" format for people with class.
$14.99 $9.99
Adhesive may outlast your dive career • Not recommended for resale value of vehicle
✅ In Stock — We own a sticker machine. We are unstoppable.
PODI Dive Flag Patch
Sew-on patch for your BCD, jacket, or dignity repository. Features the PODI dive flag: an orange square with a white diagonal stripe, but the stripe is crooked because "it adds character." Each patch is slightly different — we call it "artisanal misalignment." Limited edition: the crooked ones sell out first.
$10.99 $7.99
Iron-on backing may melt your gear • Hand-sewn by unsupervised interns
✅ In Stock — 2,300 patches in a drawer somewhere
"World's Okayest Diver" Mug
Ceramic coffee mug that holds 12oz of coffee and an unlimited amount of shame. Heat-reactive feature: when filled with hot liquid, the mug reveals "But I'm Working On It." Changes color! Changes nothing else. Microwave safe (mug only, not your self-image).
$19.99 $14.99
Not dishwasher safe. Not safe in general. • Lead-free (probably)
⚠️ Only 12 left — Ceramic kiln operator is "on a break"
PODI Signature Air Freshener
Hang this from your rearview mirror and let everyone know you smell like a diver. Scent notes: "Wetsuit left in a trunk for three weeks," with hints of "Algae" and "Poor Financial Planning." Kyle found a guy who makes them. The guy had a van. We didn't ask questions. Surprisingly popular in the complaints department.
$8.99 $5.99
Scent lasts 2-3 business days • Not tested on humans (tested on Kyle)
✅ In Stock — 4,000 units. Please buy them. Our office reeks.
Custom Certification Card
Get a professional-looking plastic card that says whatever you want. "Deep Air Instructor"? "Master of the Abyss"? "Bubble Master Supreme"? We print it, you flex it. Not valid for anything. Looks great on a lanyard. Comes with a free plastic sleeve that yellows in 2 weeks. Verified buyer says: "My dive shop laughed at me. Worth it."
$24.99 $19.99
Lamination may peel within 24 hours • Not valid for anything, anywhere, ever
✅ In Stock — We have a guy with a laminator. He's fast.
Surface Signal Whistle
Plastic whistle attached to a velcro strap. It makes a sound. That's about it. We're not sure why we're selling this. Kyle found a box of them at a garage sale in 2017. They're bright orange so you can lose them more visibly. One reviewer reports it "summoned a harbor seal." Not guaranteed to summon help, but definitely guarantees a noise.
$9.99 $5.99
May attract sharks (they're curious about bad ideas) • Kyle owns 17 boxes of these
✅ In Stock — We are legally required to sell these until Kyle stops finding boxes
Limited Edition Kyle McSplash Poster
Full-color 18x24 poster of Kyle McSplash doing a "perfect" giant stride entry. Spoiler: it's not perfect. His mask is around his neck and he's holding his fins. Signed by Kyle himself (no, you can't choose where he signs). Edition of 500 (we printed 2,000). Some are slightly water-damaged. We call those "vintage."
$34.99 $24.99
Poster tube sold separately ($19.99 shipping) • May arrive folded if Kyle packed it
⚠️ "Almost sold out" — we say this to create urgency
PODI "Dive Computer" Wrist Display
It's a digital watch. It tells time. That's the computer part. We printed "PODI DIVE COMPUTER" on the face and stuck it on a velcro strap. It is not waterproof. It is not a computer. Kyle bought 300 of them at a flea market and said "we'll figure it out." We have not figured it out. But it does beep every hour. That counts.
$149.99 $29.99
Not waterproof. Not a computer. Not a dive tool. It's a watch that lies.
✅ In Stock — Kyle's garage is full of them. He can't park in there anymore.
"Advanced Bellyflop Technique" PDF
A 47-page PDF guide to mastering the bellyflop as a legitimate entry method. Written by Kyle after 4 beers and a YouTube binge. Includes diagrams drawn in MS Paint, a quiz at the end (no answer key), and a certificate of completion you print yourself. "Changed my life. My torso has never been the same." — verified review.
$29.99 $12.99
Digital download • No refunds • Kyle's spellcheck is off
✅ In Stock — Infinite copies. Welcome to digital.
PODI Zoom Background Pack
Seven (7) high-resolution backgrounds for your video calls. Includes: "On a Boat (It's Sinking)," "Underwater (Kyle's Bathtub)," "Classroom (We Don't Have One)," and more. Each image was taken on a flip phone from 2009. Colleagues will ask "where are you?" You will respond "diving." They will not believe you. That's the point.
$19.99 $7.99
480p resolution • Includes 1 free bonus background of Kyle's cat
✅ In Stock — Digital products. We can't run out. We tried.
Kyle's Personally-Owned Used Gear
You get a Ziploc bag containing items Kyle found in his gear bag after a particularly wet weekend. Contents may include: a fin strap, half a snorkel keeper, something that might be a zip-tie, a granola bar wrapper (Class of 2022), and a mysterious dampness. Not photographed because we respect your privacy (and our camera).
"Priceless" $14.99
Contents may vary • Not responsible for smells • Kyle's DNA is not a allergen
⚠️ Only 3 available — Kyle is "not ready to let go" of the others
PODI Beach Towel
Large 30x60 beach towel featuring the PODI dive flag pattern. Looks great. Dries nothing. We sourced these from a vendor who said "100% cotton." He was 40% correct. The towel is absorbent in theory only. Water basically just moves around on it. Great for lying on top of. Terrible for drying anything. Very on-brand.
$34.99 $22.99
Not absorbent • Colors run faster than Kyle from accountability
✅ In Stock — 600 towels. They're not going anywhere. Neither is the water on them.
⭐ What Our Customers Are Saying
"Bought the hoodie. It's... fine. I mean, it's a hoodie. It does hoodie things. I don't know what I expected."
"The whistle works. Unfortunately it works. I blew it and my wife made me sleep on the couch. 2 stars."
"I printed the bellyflop PDF. It crashed my printer. 10/10 would download again."
"This is a scam. I ordered a T-shirt 8 months ago and it never arrived. I'm still angry. I'm also still wearing the T-shirt I already have. So I guess I didn't really need it. But still. SCAM."
🚩 Shopping Red Flags — Read Before Buying (Not That It Will Help)
- We don't accept returns, exchanges, or accountability — returns go to "the other PODI office" (there is no other office)
- Sizes run small because "it's European sizing" (it's not. Kyle just ordered the wrong size and won't admit it)
- Orders typically arrive within 6-10 business days (definition of "business day" may vary by up to 400%)
- Color fidelity not guaranteed. "Diver Navy" may arrive as "Slightly Darker Navy" or "Is This Black?" or "We Ran Out of Blue"
- International customers: customs will probably inspect your "I Survived PODI" shirt and question your life choices. We cannot help you. They're right.
- Our payment processor is a PayPal account Kyle set up in 2017. The email address is kylescubasales@aol.com. It feels wrong because it is wrong.
- If your order arrives damaged, that's "character." If it doesn't arrive, that's "a story."