⚠ PODI STAFF HAVE NOT BEEN VETTED BY ANY RECOGNIZED AGENCY ⚠

Meet the "Professionals"

Our team brings together the most unqualified, overconfident individuals in the diving industry. Each member has been carefully selected for their complete lack of regard for standard safety protocols and their uncanny ability to make any situation worse before it gets better.

(It never gets better.)

⚠ DISCLAIMER: None of the following individuals hold active teaching certifications with SSI, NAUI, BSAC, or any recognized diving organization. Their qualifications include "watched a lot of YouTube" and "has access to a printer."

The Dream Team

🎒
FOUNDER

Kyle "Dropout" McSplash

CEO, Lead Instructor, & "Legal" Counsel

Kyle started PODI after being asked to leave a major Instructor Development Course for "refusing to follow any of the standards." He claims to have 10,000 dives but his logbook is just the word "lots" written on a napkin. Known for saying "safety stops are for people who can't hold their breath."

📱
SELFIE EXPERT

Tiffany "InstaBreathe" Reef

Social Media Director & Underwater Photographer

Tiffany has 47,000 Instagram followers and exactly 2 actual dives. She can't equalize past 10 feet but insists on wearing a full tech rig for photoshoots in the shallows. Her underwater photography consists entirely of self-portraits with her regulator out of her mouth for "the authentic look."

💀
DANGER ZONE

Chad "No-Stop" Thunderson

Deep Air Specialist & Record Holder

Chad holds the agency record for "most deco obligation ignored in a single dive." He believes dive computers are "for cowards" and plans all his dives on a napkin using "vibes" as his primary gas planning tool. He owns 47 fin straps and zero backup masks. His catchphrase: "Send it!"

🌀
BUOYANCY? NEVER

Brenda "No-BCD" Wave

Buoyancy Dis- instructor

Brenda doesn't believe in buoyancy control devices because "fish don't use them." She teaches all her courses while wearing 8kg too much lead and relies entirely on a death-grip on the anchor line for depth control. She has surfaced through a boat channel four times. She's fine. Probably.

🏥
FREQUENT FLIER

Derek "The Bend" Compress

Chamber Loyalty Card Holder

Derek holds the unofficial record for most chamber visits in a single season (12). He teaches our "Deep Air" specialty and considers safety stops "optional scenic breaks." His dive planning methodology involves asking "how much air do I have?" at 50 meters. Doctors know him by name at the hyperbaric unit.

🔧
"TRAINED"

Gary "Cross-Thread" Wrench

Equipment Technician & "Engineer"

Gary learned equipment repair from a forum post from 2003. He considers O-rings "suggestions" and believes tank o-rings should be "tightened until they stop leaking, then one more quarter turn." His favorite tool is an adjustable wrench. He once serviced a regulator with WD-40.

📋
CERTIFIED BY US

Bubbles McFloat

Divemaster (Certified by PODI)

Bubbles is a mannequin that Kyle once put through the Divemaster course as a joke. Bubbles passed. Bubbles now assists on courses. Bubbles has better underwater judgment than some real instructors we've met. Bubbles has never bent a student. Bubbles is our most reliable employee.

🌊
PROBABLY FINE

"Skip" Stevedore

Boat Captain (No License)

Skip operates our dive boat, "The S.S. Liability," which he bought off Craigslist for $800. It has no GPS, no radio, and a hole in the hull that he fixed with Flex Tape in 2022. He navigates by "the feeling in his gut." He's only run aground twice this year. Improvement!

🚩 Team Concerns (Identified by Others)